This week’s article will be educating you on the dos and don’ts of a breakup and how to finally throw him or her away – for good! I mean we all ask for our friends and families advice but it is never really what we want to hear, and even if it is we still don’t listen to the advice anyway. In fact some don’t ask for advice at all, and I’ll put my hands up and say this is something I did wrong and I bottled it up.
The unexpected break up can cause great confusion and panic, not only short term but long term. The most common behavioural habits are neglect/pain, obsession, stress and shifts in our behaviour. Although a break up is painful it does however have a great outcome. It allows us to see a new perspective and allows personal growth – I know this because I am proof.
Obsession is something that we cannot avoid especially as we live and promote our lives on social media. It’s a fact that love is associated and activates the same part of the brain where we experience and act out on cravings. Imagine that you have a jar full of your most favourable food, but that food is representing love. Once that jar runs empty you normally go hunting and raiding the cupboards for more, correct? But let’s just say you can’t find your favourable food and you have run out – what do you do next? You go out and find more. Now relating this to love, once you run out and its gone you reluctantly go hunting and searching to hopefully get it back or find it – this is obsession. (This was the best way I could explain it)
I’ve known many who try to reconnect with those who they have recently broken up with in any way they can. They’ll stalk that persons Instagram every few minutes to see if they have started to follow anybody new, hunt down their twitter to see what they have been talking about, go onto their facebook to see when they were last online and where they have been or even make up a tinder account and start swiping to see if they pop up. This is all bad bad bad, and it needs to stop! It needs to stop before it even begins.. so how do you do this? Well this is how..
· Define yourself by your ex. You are someone’s child, sibling, cousin, best friend, colleague and more importantly someone’s future partner. Don’t let them tell you what you aren’t.
· Stalk their social media. No, no, no, STOP! This is such a dirty habit and will encourage you more and become a routine. What will you gain by stalking their social media? Not an awful lot, even if you get that urge maybe consider watching an investigation series online, let that mind want to investigate into something else!
· Binge or self-medicate or starve yourself. Some people choose to stuff their faces, some choose to starve themselves and refuse even their favourable foods. You have to force yourself, start off drinking plenty of fluids and begin the soft diet before going back on the hard diets.
· Rush into a new relationship. Don’t try and play Mr and Mrs, Mrs and Mrs or Mr and Mr – it’s not fair on them, and it’s certainly not fair on you. What you need to do before getting into any other relationship is to ask yourself what can you do differently in your next relationship?
· Drunk text/call. It’s all natural that we neck down the strongest drink or wanting to hear their voice again. They’ll either be ignoring or answering that call or text so cold heartedly that you’ll make things a whole lot worse for yourself. Call a close one instead, even if you feel like you don’t want to harass them they’ll be there for you, like you would be there for them. You never know, you may be going through the same thing at the same time and may not know. So speak out, let them hear you.
· Second guess the whys. Hey its normal to want to know why? But why does it even matter anymore? Tell yourself that relationships do just sometimes end with no reason at all. F**cking annoying I know but that is how it is sometimes. Everything happens for a reason, I am a big believer in that.
· Get rid of all their belongings – Their belongings have no right to be in your precious presence any longer so get rid! Burn it, tear it, bin it – who cares just get rid.
· Think of all reasons why they weren’t good enough for you. It’s natural that we think why we weren’t good enough, but you have to start thinking why they weren’t good enough for you! I’m sure you can come up with quite a lot of reasons. It’s their loss! In fact, create a new ending in your mind where you rejected them! It’ll change the dynamic and the way your mind thinks. It may even fool you.
· Be around your loved ones. Even if you do not want their support, they will naturally be there for you when you need them.
· Feel sh*t for a few days - We all try to bottle in our feelings by putting on that fake f**king smile. I mean you can try faking it to hopefully fool yourself but this isn’t long lasting. The sooner you face those god damn awful feelings the sooner you’ll become better, stronger and whole again.
· Learn from the experience
I will address that you may not get over the break up. But from my experience I can promise you that you will move on, with time. As each week goes by you’ll start noticing things about yourself that you need to take care of and you’ll give up on the bad habits you have picked up on. Starting again won’t be easy if you’re not ready. You’ll know when you’re ready when you aren’t tempted or purposely hunting.